


There Must Be Chocolate

by Emperor_Quarter



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Early Mornings, F/M, Humor, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Out of Character, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Warnings For: Lots of Silliness, as domestic as these guys can get, it’s just some domestic horsepersons plotting the end of the world that’s all, just all in good fun, only in mentions, please enjoy my messes of fics, slight crack, some bad stuff because its these guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 04:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19054822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emperor_Quarter/pseuds/Emperor_Quarter
Summary: In which Famine wants ideas for his new line of products, and Pollution and War help. And this time, they’re actually successful in that attempt.





	There Must Be Chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I love this fandom and am absolutely shipping them.
> 
> Also yes it might be wildly ooc but the horsepersons are pretty one dimensional so... let me have my domestic horsepersons okay?
> 
> This is 100% fluff and 900% silliness that came from somewhere.

Famine had woken up with a wonderful idea.

It was true that he didn’t really need sleep, but who was he to complain when the others settled down and hugged him while they snoozed?

His eyes slowly blinked as he took in the morning sun, falling through the curtains and the drapes of his canopy bed (he was a multi-millionaire in this mortal world, why not indulge in everything?) and registered Pollution clinging to him, entire body curled around him. It was cute, honestly. War was spread-eagle on the other side of the bed, foot digging into his side.

“G’morning,” Pollution muttered, icy eyes fluttering open as they stared at Famine.

Famine tucked a loose strand behind their ear. “Good morning, darling,” he replied, giving a small smile. Pollution blushed a little.

Behind him, War let out a loud screech as she tumbled onto the floor.

Famine chuckled, sitting up and watching her let out a stream of cusses, before turning to the others. “Morning,” she very nearly growled, eyes glowing.

In that moment, somewhere else in the world, guns fired and blood flowed in rivers.

Pollution hummed, kissing Famine’s cheek. “See you downstairs, I’ve been craving one of your chocolate shakes.” They slid out of bed, yawning gently before they tread downstairs.

Suddenly, War began to follow. “Ditto, but the strawberry one is better.”

And that, dear readers, is when Famine got the idea.

At the moment, all he had was shakes for his CHOW™. He didn’t really have any desserts. And humans so crave desserts but only limit themselves to a few because of the sugars and fats. It would expand his Newtrition and allow humans to eat as much sweets as they want. Win-Win.

Famine fumbled to get up, running his hands through his hair and trying to look somewhat presentable (you never know how far lurkers will go to see pictures of Raven Sable in the morning) before walking downstairs.

Pollution was sipping a shake while surfing through something on their phone, while War had also snagged a breakfast MEAL™ as well, munching down on the omelet that never saw a chicken and the fake hash-browns, with pancakes and syrup that never knew a tree. Famine was proud of his work.

He walked over to their triangle dining table with a bright smile. “Good morning!” 

War smirked as Famine kissed her head. “Oh dear, that’s the “I have an idea” smile. Don’t tell me, you’re going to swap out hospital food now?”

Pollution giggled as Famine dramatically bowed and kissed their hand. “I think he’s at world domination now. Leave some for us, will’ya?”

The horseman sat down at his seat, shaking his head. “No, not quite yet, but I do have an idea.”

His others shared glances before settling their gaze one him. “I’m still missing something that’s essential to humans.”

Pollution furrowed their eyebrows. “But you already have fruits...vegetables...meats...you’ve even replicated tofu...”

War shook her head, placing a hand on Pollution’s shoulders. “Desserts,`Lu, humans can’t live without them.”

An excited smile graced Pollution’s lips. “Oh! That’s a great idea!”

Famine grabbed his laptop, opening it and creating a new file. His hands hovered over the title, thinking. “How about TREATS?” He nodded to himself, typing it in. “Okay, what should we start with?”

“Start with ice cream. Everyone loved ice cream,” Pollution suggested, “especially chocolate. That’s a good one. Then add pies, because a lot of people like ice cream with their pie—apple pie and chocolate ice cream is the best!”

War laughed. “I think we have a very enthusiastic “chocolate” here.” Pollution grinned sheepishly, and Famine wrote that down quickly. She placed her elbows on the table, thinking hard. “I think it’s good to start with ice cream, it’s pretty popular. But you _have_ to make a baklava. Greece had amazing food,” she sighed, and Famine remembered her (well, him at the time) in Sparta. It was intriguing. 

Famine nodded. “Alright then.” He typed in the jumble of thoughts, organizing them out neatly. “I’ll send this out, thanks you two.”

Pollution smiled and blew him a kiss before getting up. They waved a hand suddenly they were in their biker wear. “I gotta get to the fracking sight. The workers are drilling right over a scared ground,” they grinned, a bit of oil seeping through and staining their teeth. War grabbed them and kissed them once, licking her lips before letting them go. They left a kiss to Famine as well before leaving.

War discarded her styrofoam and plastic ware in the trash happily before kissing Famine too. “I’ve got a special request only a few miles away,” she walked over to the cabinet to grab some guns, and they were out of sight immediately as she dressed the same way. “Rivaling gangs. Who knew they were still around?” Her eyes flashed, and Famine fell in love all over again. She left, and Famine focused on his computer.

Famine composed an email to his staff with the new idea. TREATS™ was going to sell wonderfully.

And he made sure to add some credit to a Carmine Zugiber and a Weiss White, of course.


End file.
